(:

2006-11-05T17:42:00.000+08:00

byebye! :}

2006-09-27T16:03:00.000+08:00

( Even Stevens )

If this is how you want it to be, i'm not going to try & stop it from happening. Before you go, do you mind answering one question, How is it my fault if you're not gonna let me in?

We've been too quiet for too long. Where is the hope we once had? It's too late to be saved by your charm, we'll never get this right. Your words are cold & the season is too. The comfort in your voice is gone. Don't keep in touch, i'm better off alone. You've lost everything that i've loved. So is it worth this time? Am i done in your mind? Will i regret once you're gone?

Hey, Mr Time, could you do me a favor & stop the clock please.
I need you to get me through this, one more time.
Don't lose hope in me, hold on, hang on.

Goodbye Senorita

Too many italics, no?

I missed the scent of your hair & the sound of your smile, she said.

2006-09-21T19:42:00.000+08:00

( The Second Coming )

The first paper is on Monday & i seriously don't know why i'm blogging :/
I hate it when i have absolutely no control over what's happening, i always let whatever is affecting me get the better of me - i wish i would/could stop.

Please wish me all the luck in the world for my Promotional Exam, i seriously need to do well. I guess that's my green light, i should go now. Take care poptarts!

Much love, xoxo.
These hands would not be taught to hold another

2006-09-13T16:20:00.000+08:00

( In The Market )

I remember you, but i don't remember you

Change, is indeed inevitable.

We're standing face to face, but, i doubt we know each other. We've lost ourselves along the way & we couldn't be bothered to get back on track. The signs were right there, but we just chose to ignore it. Sorry, Promise - used way too much.

Do we say goodbye to what we had

So we said goodbye to midnight chitterchatterchitchit, we're too busy.
But seriously, who are we kidding?

Is this how it's going to be from now on? A little nod & a smirk across your face - is this how it's going to be from now on? Is this how it's going to be from now on?

You're the light, in the dark

**

2006-09-08T14:54:00.000+08:00

( Forbidden, forbidden )

I : "My face in thine eyes, thine in mine appears,
& true plain hearts do in the faces rest;
Where can we find two better hemispheres,
without sharp north, without declining west?
Whatever dies, was not mixed equally;
If out two loves be one, or thou & i.
Love so alike, that none can slacken, none can die."

T : "I live in torture thinking of these moments. With every look he gives you I get sicker & sicker. There is a burning in me, i feel on fire & guilt & i can't get rid of either. Does it make you happy to know that?"

I : "I would have no way to tell, would I? He is a kind man T, i cannot hate him. Yesterday at the market i saw a couple holding hands, & i realised we would never do that. Never anything like it. No picnics or unguarded smiles. No rings. Just stolen moments that leave too quickly."

M : "Is it possible.. do you think a man blinded by love.. is it possible that, that man might not see treachery right in front of him?"

T: "This must end."
I : "That's like asking me to stop breathing."

**

2006-09-06T12:01:00.000+08:00

( They shine for you )

Haven't really been on a chittiechitterchatchat mood for awhile now, so sincere apologies if i happen to not respond to your IM's/calls/messages.

Everything is just like a routine, it's the same thing everyday. Feels kinda, robotic. Actions taken without any thought or purpose behind it. So insincere, so plastic.
(& this my friends, is what i call an extremely vague entry, no?)

So where has the time gone? The last i checked, it was Monday morning. Ugh, goodbye Monday. Hello Wednesday. (& this goes out to you too babe, :b)

I predict two whole un-productive days ahead!
Wednesday - outing with the aunt.
Thursday - another outing with the aunt.

Stop the clock, freeze the moment.

I'm about 2 weeks away from my promo's & i'm not the least bit prepared.
Say, isn't that the best recipe for destruction, fellow lads?

@!#$%^&*(&*^%$#@!#$%^&*(&^%$#@!
I hate periods, it makes me feel all sorts.
Hence the reason why i'm rambling :/

Kill me nice & slow baby

You know what i need now?
I need you babe! ) : i dislike you for being 300 miles away from you.
Outta sight, outta reach.

I'm hungry, but i'm not hungry?
Y'feel me?

#@$%^&*&(*)*&^%$#@!#$%^&*()*&^%$#@!@#$%^&*()*&^%$#@

2006-09-05T16:23:00.000+08:00

( Now, pucker up, it's bedtime! )

This holiday is so not what it is made up to be - i dislike you for painting such colorful pictures, K, p/s i forgive you. Cross my heart & hope to die, i'll swing by your pad when you're in town. Anytime. XO

Killjoy :-

01 'em hideous breakout
02 promo's.

Happy Pill :-

01 Sean Faris! <3

It's all about the pro's & con's love, all about it.

-

& it pains me to hear you cry at night.
Understand we're under the same night sky.
Here, there, front, back, - i'm always nearby.

Crash & burn if you like,
i'll be there to see you through.
So smile for me munchkin, stiffen 'em upper lip.

-

Take a moment of silence, keep him & his family in your hearts & prayers tonight,
Rest In Peace, Mr. Steve Irwin.

-

Ah, that pest of a stingray :/

2006-09-03T00:37:00.000+08:00

( No other, baby, no other )

Good : September holidays are here, : )
Bad : Promo's, in 2 weeks.

Purely Acoustics.

2006-09-01T13:04:00.000+08:00

( I'm sucha fool fo' you)

"Will you still love me in the morning?"

"Forever & ever Babe"

2006-08-30T15:05:00.000+08:00

( Fall to the ground & Cry )

To Whom It May Concern,

Sometimes i wish i would practise what i preach, but i hope you would understand & know that it wasn't intentional. I know my apologies may not mean anything, but please know that i do care and i think about how you're doing constantly. You'll always be a part of me, whether you like it or not. I really am, truly sorry.

Happy Belated Birthday Babe.
Say goodbye to 16, you're looking at 17.

--

The prickling sun, The bright lights, The warm breeze, The squinting eyes, The parched throat, The women's glow, The farewell of heavy rain. The gloomy sky, The cold stare, The hunger for shelther, The forlorn expression, The Ending of something special.

--

Greetings from across the border.

01 : "You may come in now"

So near but yet so far away. Look into my eyes, staring into space. ~~Acknowledge me now, or lose me forever~~. Your hands, half the size of mine. Wheez, Grag, Bang, Zing, Boom. The deafening silence. The silent murmurs. Lament Whimper & Weep.

01 : "Would you like to say something before you go?"

Turn my back & faced the wall, i couldn't bear to hear them. I wish i could ask for the inevitable.
& then it was time,

I held your cold small fragile & inanimate hands, "I'm ready to let you go."
Just like a scene from the movies, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Walking away from where i was, Wheez, Grag, Bang Zing, Boom. Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. I knew it was time, all you needed was our blessings. Succumb, succumb.

"There goes my Hero,"
Fall to the ground, see me cry hysterically.

2006-08-25T20:11:00.000+08:00

(Silence, so deafening)

So close were we, yet distant now.
What happened to "forever"?
Ts' trust ourselves to believe in something we never could.
Nonetheless we kept holding on,
but just fading away slowly but surely.

We couldn't stop it even if we tried (yes we did)
Face up to the truth, we're from two different world.
I'm going north, you're going south.
Do we let go? Do we hang on?

Our million dollar question.

-

If i could i would wish for :-

Late night talks ; Heart-to-heart-conversations ; Prata House ; Midnight <3 ; Sneaking in sneaking out ; Stealthy moves ; Baby got back ; Lost & found ; Spring Cleaning ; Window Shop! ; Red Pearls ; Lots of Love ; Loud Jazz ; Screams so appealing ; Laserxzx ; L word ; HawtSexDropDeadGorgeous <3's! ; Bubble Tea ; Snooping ; Gossiping ; Emo Love Songs ; Movies Galore ; Sing-a-ling-a-ling ; Once Upon A Star ; Plans to Elope ; Wishful Thinking ;You & You.

Wishful Thinking, haven't we been down that road? I neet to wrap my head around this whole situation. How does one get over the lost of someone so special? So close & dear. I think i'm letting this get the better of me, i need to wake up before it destroys me completely.

We're under the same night sky, o sweet love.
I wish upon a star, that where ever you are, you're doing fine.

"Say Goodbye Before It's Too Late", said she.

I'll cross the ocean to get to you, : )
why don't you whisper that once more?

2006-08-21T19:36:00.000+08:00

( Maybe if i said something, )

I'm suppose to be researching on (budget or not) airline promotions for my business management booth but here i am entertaining myself with the daily rantings of unfamiliar faces, hah. Cheap thrills : )

Adieu hardcore XXX trainings, hello creative games! : D
Captain-ed ball-ed our way through P.E, absolute bliss!
Beating 11 teams non-stop, major powerpackhouse i tell ya!
Long live Team Jonjon! ;-D

-

I never really got down to understanding why people make promises when they have no intention at all of keeping them? Promises, don't they mean anything anymore? (promises - a declaration assuring that one will or will not do something ; a vow. Or to, commit oneself by a promise to do or give ; a pledge.)

When did promises become empty talk or just words?
Y'know, i used to go to you for answers to such questions but now, i really don't know who to turn to considering that you're the one who made all this happen.

I will, i shall, i ~~promise~~
Take it back before it's too late.

-

I've been considering going on a hiatus but considering how things are, i might not :/ who knows, we will see how things goes : )

All right, i should get back to my research if not, it's off with me head.

I missed you at school today : )

2006-08-20T10:56:00.000+08:00

Saturday,

CIP-ed my morning away.
Starbucked/Rocky-ed my afternoon just the same.
The usual facial expressions, the familiar faces = the people i adore : )

-

I'm not trying to walk all over you, i'm trying to walk around you.
So say goodbye, (faintly) "goodbye", and keep it moving.

-

Now i say we're back to square one.
Where we left it is where we're starting.
"So what do we do?"
"So what do we say?"
"I'm lost and troubled"
Were the only thing you conveyed.

Stop me now or lose me forever.

-

Put on them Boys 2 Men and 98 Degrees.
Tune in for some tearjerkerfest.
Whatever you say won't help me now

"Adieu adieu" were the last thing you said.

2006-08-10T14:17:00.000+08:00

It's 2:12 & i have alot of things to complete before four :/

* Malay composition
* Accounts Tutorial Nine & Ten.
* Iron my school uniform
* Pop by Popular.
* File things up.
* Complete Revision.
& the list goes on.

Ugh when am i ever going to find time to do all that & more in that short span of time? Where oh where oh where. Someone save me.

Oh! Before I forget. Happy Belated 41-st Birthday Singapore : )

Wednesday 09082006
Cancelled plans for canoening/kayaking & headed down to St. Wilfred's to support Raist Rangers (Mizra Fandi Xiang Hole & etc)! : ) such a pity they didn't win :/ but nonetheless it was fun! After which, we (Fandi & gf Sheilla Mizra Shy Shamil Hole & gf Saddiq and Elynn) went to Adam's Corner to get some food :-D & then to the Miss Sixty's 60% Clearance Sale!

Thursday 10082006
Happy Birthday Kinz : )

AH i better get off the com soon if not i'll never be able to complete what needs to be done!
X's & O's <3

2006-08-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

Plans to catch the fireworks tonight with my 3 favourite ladies (della cheryn dora) didn't really happen, i guess all of us were pretty busy with whatever we had. At times i think that everything is just passing by me, oh-so-fast, i don't even know what happened ugh (okay i don't know what triggered that but ANYWAY)

Oh.

Plans for canoeing/kayaking tomorrow, cancelled as well. Suckfest. Instead of doing so, i'm going to head down to Boon Keng & help my sister out. The funny thing is, i don't even know what's gonna happen or who is gonna be there (except my sister) & things like that. HOOBOY. But oh well. I'll just make my way there tomorrow in suspense :/

**

National Day Celebration today was a blast, hah. Crackedpot skits, ow-my-ears-hurt!, fashionpashion!, sing-a-ling-ling, mr-i-can-shake-my-butt-&-president-of-the-alumi, body surf, moshing & etc! oh my golly miss molly! One of the best celebrations ever, period : )

Bittersweet, my first and last time ever celebrating National Day over there at the Bartley Campus with jyss, jan, hilfi, jon & etc as a class )/: you'll never know what's gonna happen next year. One thing is for sure & that is i'm keeping my fingers tightly crossed that all of us will end up in the same class, again. Oh squeeze me baby please.

Succumb to gravity

Take care poptarts : )

2006-08-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

Reasons on why this blog seems rather inactive currently is due to putting up entries on the other diary : ) ask me if you want to know or, i'm far too lazy to update or, my life is pretty stagnant at this point of time so i don't see the need to put up a redundant entry filled with nothingness :-D

You build me up for the greatest fall.

On my way back home earlier on today, i started to ponder about quite a number of things. Some irrelevant and some relevant topics. I'm being rather vague as you can tell, hah, rather personal/touchy-touchy ones. I've come to a conclusion that there is nothing i can do about it, so i shouldn't go on wasting three-quater of my time brooding over the different matters and worsening the pain inflicted. Why oh why. Oh. Human nature.

Anyway!

Don't be expecting daily updates from me cos' i'm just gonna pop by once in a while, whenever i feel like it or whenever i have the urge to. For now, i shall head straight for the books (oh promo's :/) 10:52 pm.

I shall leave you with one of my favourite quotes, ever :

"Keep your chin up, don't let the world bring you down"

This was said to me everytime i felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulder by my bestfriend who passed away 7 months ago, rest in peace love : )

(This entry seems so dark and gloomy some how :/)

Until next time, take care!

2006-07-30T19:04:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how you can walk by me & not acknowledge my presence.
I guess i'm not very keen on subtleness, am i?

Why don't all of us learn a new term called, respect.
I'm not sure but i hear that it's key in maintaning a relationship/friendship (whatever you wanna label us)

Until you get your priorities right i'm just going to fade into oblivion (hah hello irony!) call me once you've got that settled. It's been swell huns, been swell.

X's & O's

2006-07-21T16:36:00.000+08:00

Get Low, Get Low

An update? I think so, too : )

First up, Racial Harmony Day!

Today's celebration was different. I remembered back then how each & everyone of us were all against the idea of dressing up in our ethnic costume but somehow, miraculously, turn up on the day itself wearing them. Heck, no doubt about it, I miss Ij. Anyway! Let's all turn away from yesteryears & concentrate with what happened today : )

Out of the whole entire class, (which consists of 30+ people) only two turned up wearing the Qipao (I think that's what you call 'em) - one of which wasn't me, AH SHOCK! The others decided to dress comfortably & wear the school uniform :-D

Different people different race different religion coming together as one

Lessons went on as per normal until 11:15 where everyone headed to the auditorium to catch the performance, i like! Act 3 was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S! I remember laughing so hard when Act 3 came to Ij & did exactly the same play. Hah, no mystery here - I LAUGHED DOUBLY HARD :-B

After which, we had performances by our very own talent - ICS MCS & Wushu
Good job Icky Vicky & Astha Pastha :-D

**

Got back most of my results :/ ugh major suckfest.
Believe it or not I think my parents are kinda expecting this.

I guess it's time to pull up my socks - real high.

2006-07-05T19:18:00.000+08:00

He Is Just Not Into You,

I'm desperate for your voice, I'm listening to the song we used to sing, in the car, d'you remember? Buttefly, early summer. It's playing on repeat just like when we would meet. I was born to tell you I love you, & I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine. Stay with me tonight. Stripped & polised I am new, I am fresh. I'm feeling so ambitious, you & me, flesh to flesh bcos' every breath that you will take while you're sitting next to me will bring life into my deepest hopes. Whats your fantasy?

I seriously cannot wait for Friday to come. Who would have thought studying could be so mentally & physically draining? I need retail therapy, soon please. OH! Another thing I cannot wait for is the reunion! (: HELLO MY LOVELY LADIES I MISS OHSOMUCH! (did I mention how excited I am? I AM SO VERY EXCITED!)

Moving along.

I have to say I'm not very confident of them papers, (the ones I've done) :/ i have a feeling I screwed them up, really badly. Especially for lit, biz & accounts. (wait, those are ALL the papers I've done so far :/) let's just hope that I dint do so badly. I seriously cannot afford to do badly.

-
L, I MISS YOU. Why do you always like to see me sad huh? Asswipe. Come back soon please, FRIDAY PREFERABLY! But I doubt you could do that, :/ you make me sad. Extremely sad. But you know whatever you do, (even if it means tearing my heart in TWO) I'll still lOoOoOoOoOoOovEeEeE you! :-D (you don't know how luck you are!)

AYE. I MISS DERRIK, KARLLLEEBEEE & JANETTTEAH as well! )-:

-
Ugh, Sloman calls.

- Chants "Two more days! Two more days! Two more days!"

2006-07-03T13:42:00.000+08:00

Houstan, we have betrayal.
how low can you go?

whoa hey, don't make this about me bcos' i'm well informed & darn sure that it, isn't. it pains me to see how pathetic you have become. it's a shame & frankly, quite disappointing. racking up all this conflicts & big hoo-haa's just to get your way, tsk. when will you ever wake up & smell the coffee - that everything isn't about you, only. did you honestly, really, think that i would do your dirty work for you? it just goes to show how much you know about me. obviously, i'll tell her all about it, but it just won't go your way, sweetheart. i'm sorry (:

when will you ever learn that, not everything, is about money? there is sucha thing called, love.

2006-07-01T14:45:00.000+08:00

Goodbye June, you've been kind.
Hello July, please be good.

If God was on the radio I know he'd say to thee, love is spiders on the edge & we're hanging by the thread connected to the other end of this twisted frequency i've spun, but I don't care. I'd be happy if you'd share your web with me.

Just one more week ladies & gents, one more week (:
<3 let it up high!

**

& now once everything is over, I'm just another one of them faces in the crowd until another problem crops up, but don't you worry. No hard feelings. I'm used to it. I know the drill. Remember me when you need me (:

You promised not to bail

2006-06-30T14:28:00.000+08:00

congratulations gayle! : D

excuse me sir, but i think you're damn hawt. no. really."
: D gushes, thinking of him makes me smile, LOL.

mid-yrs in four days.
Save Me.

2006-06-25T00:21:00.000+08:00

"i'm here", was all i needed to hear.

2006-06-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

01 I have yet to complete my malay projekt.
02 I have yet to get my ass down & finally start studying.
(mind you mid-yrs are in a weeks time & i'm doing nothing! wtf)
03 I'm currently addicted to Her Liqour (; good stuff.
04 I officially have no cable ):
(i belong to the minorities now, i'm gonna suffer watching local television series, ugh - abc dj.)

SCHOOL STARTS IN THREE BLEEDING DAYS!
!@%$&*^%$$#q#^&*&%%$#%#^$&*(@$

2006-06-16T16:22:00.000+08:00

one out of the many things i hate to do, is project work, BUT, there is something else i hate more, compared to project work. what can that be? you say, well. it's definitely a freakin' malay project work!

don't get me wrong, i'm all for learning new things & stuff like that, but if i have to keep on confiding in the dictionary for every single word, it kills me. i hate malay. i loathe malay. MY MALAY SUCKS (not like my english is any better but we're not talking bout that today).

how the hell am i suppose to complete my research when i can't even get pass the first line without having question marks all over my face?! $#%^&*^%$#@$$%^ hence i have to re-read the sentence over & over again :/

imma gonna fail my malay oh-so-badly.

ciks zuuuuuuu, where are you when i need you? ):
ugh.

**

my hair is in serious need of a cut. well, actually it isn't. this malay project thing is making me want a haircut, bad. @$#@%@ mmwell, i guess i'll just drop by the hairdresser tmr/soon : D thinking of it just makes me happy - cheap thrills :/

**

anyway.
i met up with my 3 favourite ladies yesterday, uber uber fun please : D it's been so long since i had a heart-to-heart talk with somebody & i'm glad that i had it with them (: although things didn't really turn out the way we planned - instead of shopping, we spent time with some kids at pierce reservoir & had a picnic - i had a fantastic time nonetheless.

we should do this soon, real soon (:
thanks for yesterday ladies,
love you please!
xoxo

**

all right, i should stop procrastinating & get back to my research (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) :/
one more week till school reopens, which means, mid-year exams & soon after that promo's.
holyholy balls.

i wanna go to a poly :/

2006-06-14T16:55:00.000+08:00

there she goes, at the age of 60 with diabetes in her luggage ;
i look forward to seeing you again, for now, rest in peace.

2006-06-12T16:14:00.000+08:00

these moodswings are happening way too often for my own good. i've been trippin' over the slightest thing & i don't even know why :/ this suckah. i hope this doesn't continue - it's mentally & physically draining.

once again, today did not go as planned. i must seriously do something about my attitude ugh. all right, i guess there's enough rambling/whining/etc so i shall scoot along now.

i need to get ready, poppah's coming home - bearing gifts i hope! : D - today!

**

if words are your weapon,
i surrender, i'll admit defeat.

**

2006-06-12T11:40:00.000+08:00

i am nothing special ; of this i'm sure.
i am a common man with common thoughts,
& i've led a common life.
there are no monuments dedicated to me,
& my name will soon be forgotten,
but i've loved another with all my heart & soul,

& to me, this has always been enough.

don't we all just love, The Notebook.
this has definitely gotta be the one book, i'll never get sick of reading >(:

2006-06-09T22:01:00.000+08:00

all right, i think my run was a complete futile attempt to lose weight bcos' right now, i'm binge-eating. i really should stop stuffing my face with milo powder - YES, I LOVE MILO POWDER. no school = no physical education = UNFIT & FAT ME.

ugh, resist temptation! resist temptation! resist temptation!

-

i miss you lisa rylie tan & samantha kovu jacob.
i still can't get over the fact that you're gone.

-

okay i actually know, no fuck about football but i'm kinda excited - GOD KNOWS WHY! about the whole football fever thing. hah. omg. loser please. WHATEV. i wanna go watch the match between germany & costa rica! : D

it's 2 am in the morning & i'm still awake. why you ask, bcos' of FOOTBALL. ahah imma prouda myself! (: go germany! (i'm just supporting whoever wins, HAHA)

-

i'm so screwing up my timings, i need to start getting use to sleeping around 11-ish & STUDYING! i'm a hopeless case, i swear!

-

damn you, L.

2006-06-08T15:56:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry but right now, i don't think you deserve the slightest bit of respect that i am capable of giving to you. you want it? earn it.

-

i remember how you once asked me,
"why do people lie to their loved ones?"

hah, why don't you tell me?

-

i'm so freakin' upset right now, not even geigher/moennig/tatum can make me feel better, don't you just fuckin' hate disappointments?
ugh.

-

remember folks ; VOTE FOR GAYLE! : D

2006-06-07T22:26:00.000+08:00

hooboy, technical difficulties. i need help with my current template :/

-

i'm either gonna die real soon/there is something awfully wrong with my body. i've been straped on this roller coaster ride to hell, for the longest time ever. fyi : i'm talking about this pertinacious & indecisive fever of mine. it leaves me hot & cold & makes my heart beat faster & slower at the same time :/ i don't know how long i can go on with this. even the medicine is not helping! in fact, i think it's just making things worse - dear God, please help.

-

moving on.
first it was the fridge, now it's the washing machine. what's next? imma gonna take this a sign for us - the Zainal residence - to move out & venture into a different district. i shall take up this idea to my mother/father! : D

all right.
i shall go now, project runway calls!
& remember folks, VOTE FOR GAYLE! : D

2006-06-06T22:42:00.000+08:00

she's the man, a must watch.
oh channing, oh teddy : D

-

it's all right, i'll be fine.
don't worry bout' this heart of mine.
just take your love & hit the road.

2006-06-05T21:28:00.000+08:00

south parked & Lworded through the monday blues : D
thanks darius, love!
xoxo.

-

i'll reply to the taggers soon : D
much love hunns.

2006-06-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

excellent company + x-men movie + retail therapy (not so much, but it will do) + dinner with sister = a well spent sunday! : D

davinci code anybody?

-

so, when exactly is it, the time to let go?
it's been 6 months, & yet there still hasn't been any improvement.
dear God, would you please bring me back to yesteryears?

you said you'd do anything for me ;
so why aren't you here despite my many pleas?

why is it so hard to let go?
:/

2006-06-03T14:46:00.000+08:00

it has only been 6 hours since my parents departure for seremban, we are already suffering. my sister was so hungry she resorted to eating yesterday's dinner - which may have gone bad :/

it's quite evident that without them, we're just a hopeless bunch of wrecks.

-

i don't want to leave you, but baby i need to.
it's gotta be better than this.

ugh someone make my wish come true ;
turn me into a man.

-

hey power pop star,
cross me of your list & label me dead. it's no use to keep on trying, when we know it can't be saved. even more, it wouldn't work if both hands are not used. trust me i wouldn't grant you the satisfaction of seeing me cry nor call your name while you turn & walk away. i won't any longer be that ornament placed up on the shelf. you were to shy, embarassed maybe, to be seen in public, i think. i wouldn't know. i'm not good enough, or so you wish to believe - whatever floats your boat. hah all this wild goose chase, what was it for? a complete of time, most probably. this maybe too late, but i'm glad i saw what was happening & called it quits. (ts' telling your friends you called the shots, shameless. wake up, you're not all that)

nonetheless, i wish you good, believe it or not, with a smile plastered across my face.
(ts' trust me, i'm not faking it.)

-

2006-06-02T21:04:00.000+08:00

i'm thinking of moving ; eljay account? ooh maybe baby : D

-

ooh the parents are heading for seremban tomorrow morning for three days! whoot whoot :O initially, i had the intention of going 01) to accompany my mommoh bcos' she would be lonely when my dad is on call - I'M GOOD EH? :/ - 02) they would be stopping by KL - SHOPPING! but, i have school on monday & that kicks major balls. i was considering of missing biz lessons on monday but i figured that would be totally irresponsible of me, considering, i'm the biz representative :/ ugh. so much for a holiday ey? oh well.

2006-05-30T10:00:00.000+08:00

i loathe the after, before & during - effect of fever :/
i was only permitted to indulge in two hours worth of sleep after which i was caught tossing, turning & grieving in pain - sore muscles/fats/body/whatever & a throbbing headache (which will eventually be the cost of death) - for about four bloody hours. due to the lack of sleep, an excruciating & agonizing headache & aching muscles/fats/body/whatever, i decided to give mrs. w's lesson a miss, & i promise, it wasn't intentional ): @#%#%$@

-

for the record, i have taken two showers already. 01) in the wee hours of the morning - i thought i was fit enough to attend mrs. w's lesson - 02) just five minutes ago :/ my body temperature is driving me nuts! one minute i would feel all fine & energetic, but somehow the next, i'll be screaming in pain - it's taking me on a rollercoaster ride to hell!

i really don't like being sick.
note to self ; pay more attention to my well-being! :O

-

2006-05-29T14:17:00.000+08:00

my head is throbbing.
i'm feeling cold but yet my temperature is rising.
i haven't had a proper meal in days.
i haven't had 8 hours of sleep for months ; insomnia.
my whole body is aching.
my ignorance towards my well-being has caused me to be in the state that i am right now & i curse myself for that :/
believe it or not, despite me going on & on about the holidays, i don't really like 'em.
i haven't had breakfast, or lunch, for that matter & oh, yesterday's dinner too.
(no, i am not bullimic/anorexic)
i'm down with the fever & the thermometer i bought from school is freakin' lousy ):
there is nobody at home.
there is no food at home.
i'm all alone - do you wanna come & accompany me? :/
i get really whiny when i'm sick.
i have school tomorrow but i don't think i will be going.

blogger is pissing me off.
it has already deleted 4 of my entries @$%&$%*
fuck you blogger.

there is only one consolation :-

i have cutesy-wutsey nails (:
i have polka-dots on them!
(but they are so not me, so i guess it's not much of a consolation then ey?)

-

ho fuck it.
imma grouch.

2006-05-27T19:07:00.000+08:00

the holidays are finally here - so hurry suga's! ; take me for granted, label me yours : D - but this does not mean it's time to slack off & go wild, abandoning my responsibilities & duties (HAHA i sound like my mother :/) it's gonna take a hell lot of discipline & perseverance to go through with this so wish me luck bubbah's (:

-

online shopping is highly addiktive! it's burning up a hole in my pocket & causing the rate of depletion of my bank account to increase rarrrr :/ i need to practise self-control & all that jazz - which i lack - what i really need right now, (besides that oooh, gorgeous PUMA bag - IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!) is a sugadaddy. would you like to be my sugadaddy? (:

it wouldn't hurt if you're good looking (BROWNIE POINTS BABY! : D)
ts' shame less -

-

my head feels like it's gonna burtst releasing all mixed signals/unspoken words/nagging thoughts/dirty little secrets & everything else in between. it seriously doesn't help with my nose being all stuffed & clogged up. 2 boxes of tissue down but i still feel, very much suffocated - oh holly molly (speaking of molly, i miss you mollycoddles) i hate getting infected by the flu bug. damn you immune system!, for allowing pathogens & other deadly viruses to grow & flourish in my body! oooh, i know my biology - mrs. chu please be proud! heh : D

-

anyway, i've been thinking of switching to eljay bcos' blogger has been a real bitch, causing me to get all pissed & stuff like that BUT! i have a problem. considering how imma sucha IT-illiterate - ugh i curse myself for being one - it's gonna take me time to get used to eljay & actually learn how to use it - I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO POST AN ENTRY - please everbody mock/ridicule me :/ (i just realize how i like using that facial expression - :/ heh) then again, thinking about it now, i'm not too keen on switching. mmmhmm. oh bahumbug, we'll see!

(:

2006-05-23T21:33:00.000+08:00

(: thank you God! i'm finally done with my malay composition! one hour felt like eternity, i swear. how the hell am i gonna go through the damn exam paper? oh my golly miss molly. it gives me the shudders just thinking bout' it :/

-

anyway.

poppah finally got his bicycle which he has been lusting for, for the longest time ever, it's amazing. the reason why he wanted the bicycle was so that he could cycle to work! haha i can just imagine -

him in his black pants & long sleeve shirt looking oh-so-smart & sleek riding the bicycle, how..very..posh? oh my golly that won't be all! i bet he is gonna start complaining about the muscles ache & stuff like that. oh gees! i better stock up on my Salonpas & Eagle brand oil : D

-

oh! i forgot to mention, MI KARNIVAL ROCKED SOCKS! : D
it was sucha waste so many of my friends couldn't turn up for it, but oh wells, at least some did! spankyous lovelies (:

-

boyfriend you're stupid.

-

okay! be well sweetloves : D
i'm gone.

2006-05-19T23:06:00.000+08:00

(:

Was over at Gram's house earlier this evening & found out that she has been feeling under the weather for quite some time now. I wish she would heed my advice & consult the doctors but despite being a nurse, a few years back, she still doesn't realise the importance of making sure she is all right even though she thinks that it's only the flu & cough. I guess there is nothing I can do but pray she is right, right?

I hate being paranoid, I really do.

-

On to a brighter note,

MILLENNIA CARNIVAL cum Institute Day (I think) is tomorrow! : D i'm stokkeddd. This brings me back to the time where we had Ij Carnival - oh nostalgia. Speaking of which, I miss Ij, very much. It's not that I don't like this new surrounding/environment/atmosphere I'm currently in right now, it's just different. I guess it's going to take time - everything takes time. Ohkay, I was digressing.

Anyway!

MILLENNIA CARNIVAL cum Institute Day will be held at Toh Tuck Campus - 2 Toh Tuck Terrace, Singapore 596640. Bus services - 52/157/173 (I'm not sure about the other busses that goes there, sorry!) SO! If you're free, come down & join in the fun! : D

Oooh Wee, this is so fun! : D

-

Dearest Janet,

It's not as easy as you think it is sweetums, hahah. So stop scolding me whenever I say something you don't wanna hear, asswipe - but I love you still (: come home soon okay baby! I miss you oh-so-very much! The June Holiday's are coming & I hope you know what that means! : D oooooh, I'm all geared up & ready to go, hahah.

Send my regards to Derrik all right sweetums? & oh! Tell him to lay off my boyfriend because I don't like him spending more time with him instead of ME, : D hahah.
(: love you xoxo.

-

You got me, you got me where you want me.

2006-05-14T19:55:00.000+08:00

I wanna go jogging, I need to start revising Econs (ANYONE WANNA HELP ME?), I need to complete Tutorial Five, I need to iron my uniform, I need to clean my shoes, I need to feed the cats, I need to feed the fish, I need to feed the birds, I need to do the laundry, I need to wash the dishes, I need to catch up with them -

So little time so much to do,
I RATHER SPEND MY TIME WITH YOU.

2006-05-13T23:55:00.000+08:00

Janjan's BBQ was the BOMB! : D

(I'm really tired right now so Imma gonna type in point form!)

o1 Met Jyss, Ben & Haikal.
02 Got Janjan her present & CAKE! : D
03 Met Rayner (?) & Janjan.
04 Squeeeeezed comfortably into Rayner's car.
05 Reached East Coast Beach Area C Pit 17.
06 Helped out with stuffffffff.
07 OH! Met Jess, Wanyi, Wendy & Teng Leng.
08 Started BBQ-ing.

Okay, I'm too lazy to continue.

People who attended : Janjan's friends, Tiffffff, Jen, Johnaton Ho Ming Shan, Jyssica, BenbenJAY, Haikal, Wendy, Jessica, Wanyi, Teng Leng, Jideon, Jessica's God brothers, Arshad, Raza, Zack, Joel - that's all I think.

& OH, WE HAD STRAWBERRRY SHORTCAKE!

I'll upload the piktures once Jyssica uploads them : D
I hope you enjoyed your birthday BBQ Janjan, bcos' we sure did!

-

This was a waste of time, HAHAH.
Whateverrrrr.
Gooodnight all.

2006-05-12T20:06:00.000+08:00

Oh dear, oh my.
I've been cursed, I'm down with the flu ):
I hate being sick, I really do.

I really hope I would feel somewhat better tomorrow bcos' I really wanna go for Janjan's BBQ. Dear Flu Fairy, please take away this horrendous flu bcos' it's giving me the headaches & weird unhealthy cravings.

I hate not being able to breathe properly, I feel like I'm dying. It takes a whole lot out of me just to take one small breather ):

-

You have a decision to make & I wish you would do it so I could move on with my life.

2006-05-07T14:51:00.000+08:00

Alone at last together in a photograph. Our eyes are always open, devoted to perfection through silence. What am I suppose to do? Should I sit & wait for you? Listen to me screaming for more. This story is old only to those who have no mould. The truth can be bought or sold but what are we buying? Nothing but silence. Fold the corners, break the silence. Fold the corners, just for tonight. When weakened, when will you rise?

Open up my eyes, flooded with daylight. Another sleepless night turns colour black & white. With all the things I've said, there is just regret repeating in my head. Hands into a fist, stactic in my head. Now I'm sitting face to face with loneliness. What did I expect? Did I see forever in you? I never wanted it to hurt more than it should. I hope you're satisfied, I never could. Time to close my eyes forget about this mess. Tried to fix this tragic loss of innocence. But how can I forget the things I have inside when everything is dead? Can't you see that you left me here on my own? Give me one good reason why I should let go.

I'm sleeping to give my head a rest. I am so sick of these arguments. Alone once again I'm on my own. Just need some time to myself or I'll explode. I know that this is all my fault & one day I will get it right but for now I sit here & remind myself, that everything will be okay. Your letter written on a napkin sits on my nightstand. & it reads, This is the last time that I will write to you, this is goodbye.

This is so random.

I hate the 'Time Of The Month'.
Just for this week, make me a man please.

2006-05-06T12:33:00.000+08:00

Please tell me you are for real bcos' I don't want to bleed no more. As the night fades away I'm dreaming of you, please tell me you feel something bcos' what I feel is ecstacy, oh shame on you, You Have Cast A Spell On Me.

March ended unexpected, this is my confession. Not a day goes by where you don't cross my mind. It's so confusing like an un-rehearsed symphony. Your last kiss goodbye, put water in these eyes. I'm dying for you. Dying For You.

I hate 'The Time Of The Month'.

2006-05-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

I ne'er was struck before that hour,
with love so sudden & so sweet.
Her face it bloomed like sweet flower,
& stole my heart away complete.

-

I think I have eaten enough food to last me for a year, or maybe more.
I need Physical Education, like NOW.
#!%$%#@$

I swear, I'd kill for Nicole Richie's body.
Actually, I won't.
HO GAD, I'M SO RANDOM.

Well, onto a brighter note.
It's my mommah's birthday, (:

So, Happy Birthday Mommah.
I hope you like your brouch & the three layer of sin.

-

I shall go off now,
I need to get ready for school.
Thank you God, for school.

Just the thing I need to get my mind of things.

-

For those voting, vote wisely! : D

2006-04-27T19:10:00.000+08:00

It really sucks when promises broken are promises made. So cry me a river & shove that piece of junk up your mouth. I'm so sick of listening about you twisting the knife in my back, time & time again. I don't want your meantime two cents worth of advise, cross me of your list of to-do's. I just don't want anything to do with you.

So much for, when no one is around, I'll be the one standing strong, for you.

Ugh.

-

Sweetheart, stiffen up that upper lip all right? (: i'm still here baby. It's going to be hard, it's going to be tough but stay strong & believe there's so much more out there. Hold your breath & close your eyes. The pain will pass. I know you're broken by the way you look at life with empty eyes so don't say that everything is fine. Hunnbuns, it's not the end of the world. Nothing is that tragic, haha. You still have me! :D & also, him. Life isn't so bad after all is it? Like you said, it's nothing but just a big apple heartbreak.

(: so do me this favour & cheer up. There is no point crying over spilt milk is there? Always remember, "Alternatives! & there are TONNES of fishes is the sea waiting to be swoon by you"
HAHAHAHA. Come back soon all right & we can sit down all day long watching chick flicks & whatever that floats your boat. & OH! Strawberry milk tea & chipschipschipschips. I'll do anything for you, you know that. I'll even grow fat for you, but please don't make me. (:

I Love You, hunnbunnmunnsnumms, :D
Oh, turn me on!

2006-04-21T22:27:00.000+08:00

School has been pretty fun this past week. The usual, tutorials, homework, lectures & obviously friends (: they have been the greatest! Tolerating my early morning rituals (SINGING!), the weird wacko moments so on & so forth. Spank yous oh so muchoes! :D

Anyway.

Met up with Nor Nadya Natashah after uber long today! Did a whole lot of retail therapy, just what I need to get my mind off stuff. Unfortunately I didn't get new shoes BUT, I did get a book (: a book to keep me entertained this weekend besides the homework & Sloman.

Ah well, I was in the mood to write a long entry & stuff but knowing me & how I just don't stick to things for a long time, I lost my mojo & moood. So uhhmm, I shall go off now.

OH!

I miss The Clique, oh so uber much.
Please do meet up soon loves, (:
I'll be waiting, heh heh.

-

OH!

I miss Janet & Derrik uber much toooo.
I hope everything is fine & dandy way over there!
Just don't be too cool for me when you come back okay?
(: love.

-

OH!

I miss you toooo boyfriend! :D
Aren't you honoured? Hahaha.
You are like so freakin' far away, come back!
I wanna call you & tell you all about my day!
Please come back now! ):

2006-04-18T20:11:00.000+08:00

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Let's shake & burn like an addict. My hearings dead, only static. If I said your smiles all that mattered, would you save my life?

2006-04-09T10:57:00.000+08:00

Boys are cheats & liars,
They're such a big disgrace.
They will tell you anything to get to second base -
-ball, baseball they think they're gonna score.
If you let them go all the way,
then you are a (Whore)hor-
-ticulture studies flowers,
Geologist studies rocks.
All they ever want from you is a place to put their cock-
-roaches & beetles,
Butteflies & bugs.
Nothing pleases them more then a giant pair of jug-
-glers & acrobats,
A dancing bear name Chuck.
All they ever want is - forget it no such luck.

--

Someone please buy me some Van Houten Chocolate ):
Orange ones preferred, spanksyous.

2006-04-07T18:14:00.000+08:00

I have something that you don't have.
I have a KEWLZA TEMPLATE!

A KEWLZA PERSONALIZED TEMPLATE, mind you!

All thanks to, Natalie Jean Ho Siu Jen, MY chinese.
(: she made my day whooot whooot.

THANK YOU NAT!
& OH! I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU.
: D

2006-04-03T22:34:00.000+08:00

I've got a crush, on you.
I hope you feel the same as I do.

--

As much as I wanted to sit in the rain this afternoon & think things through, I was too tired. Physical Education was a major killer. 6 other students & I were made to run around the whole school after our grueling circuit training only to find out that it wasn't necessary after we completed a whole round. (Okay, so maybe one round isn't alot, but still, if you're as unfit as me, you would have understood)

If I don't get any skinnier or thinner from all this circuit training, running around the whole school, lunch time training (in the course of 3 years lah), I'm going to plastic surgery! HAHAHAHA. Okay, I was kidding. I'm not going for any plastic surgery (: plastic surgery is such a waste of money! Think of all the things you can buy with that money you spent on plastic surgery. Hurr.

Right, that was pretty random but I'm in a random-y mood now.
Ah whatever.

-

Literature after Physical Education was goood : D
I love Drama Lit, hahaha. You get to role-play, well, even though I didn't get a chance to do so today lah, but it's all cooooool. It was just as fun watching the others act, hahaha. Especially the guy wanting to be a girl, hoho.

All right I'm pretty bummed out & tired right now.
I shall go pack my bag & prepare for another day of torture.
Goodbye all.

Oh, & hello karleeeeeee.
I love you too baby (:

2006-04-01T09:33:00.000+08:00

Today was so not my day.

--

Isn't it ALWAYS the same?
We only want things that we can't have.

All that I needed to hear from you,
is something of value but something untrue.

--

I love the rain.
Just the other day I was sitting in the rain, on the field opposite my HDB flat & savouring every minute of it. But got up soon after because I spotted dashes of lightning & I don't really wanna get struck by one.

Anyways.

It always triggers off some memories. Unfortunately memories of which I wish to forget but hey, it's life. We can't always get what we want can we? ~~Ugh, I hate that phrase.~~

Now top all that emotions with a hot cup of cocoa & Boys 2 Men in your stereo & you're all ready for some hardcore tearjerkerfest (:

--

All right I should be off now.
My much missed kiddy cousins are calling me.
(:

--

Goodbye March,
you have been good.

Hello April,
let's hope you'll be better.
Please be better.

2006-03-29T20:26:00.000+08:00

So why should I take your hand when you can't promise happy endings?

It's starting to get old.
That story yet untold.
Reflect before we walk into,
what we already know.

Won't be so easy.
Looking back at high school drama.
Didn't try to fix what we thought were problems.
Done with writing empty letters.

Is there no other way?

Staring at your reflection every day.
Can make or break my heart away.
When you won't listen to what's hard for me to say.
Those tear stained eyes can make me feel so sad.
& once again we're further away from what we never had.

So why should I take your hand when you can't promise happy endings?
Just run away with so much left to share.
It's just not enough,
when we're so much more than friends.
We'remuch too young to throw away our cares.

There's no sense in regretting what's been said in our yesterdays.
We can't take back what's done but we can look ahead.
& I would walk so much further just to know what I'm doing here.
& there's no end to what I'd give to know just what you meant when you said,
"How can I feel alive when we can't help but break our backs to survive?"

Is this another time we can't control our lives?

Those tear stained eyes can make me feel so sad.
& once again we're further away from what we never had.

So why should I take your hand when you can't promise happy endings?
Just run away with so much left to share.
It's just not enough,
when we're so much more than friends.
We're much too young to throw away our cares.

How can I feel alive when we can't help but break our backs to survive?
Is this another time we can't control our lives?

Those tear stained eyes can make me feel so sad.
& once again we're further away from what we never had.

So why should I take your hand when you can't promise happy endings?
Just run away with so much left to share.
It's just not enough,
when we're so much more than friends.
We're much too young to throw our cares.

-

I'm too tired to blog.

2006-03-25T19:37:00.000+08:00

I've looked up on hundreds of people and yet I still can't find her.
I should stop looking it's hurting my eyes.

-

I'm hungry.
I loathe being hungry.

When I'm hungry I get cranky.
When I'm cranky I get moody.
When I'm moody I think too much about things.
When I think too much about things it upsets me.
When it upsets me I start to cry.

I hate crying.
Argh. I loathe being hungry.

-

I'm sucha brat, kill me.

2006-03-24T14:16:00.000+08:00

Thank God It's Friday (:

Today marks the end of a jampacked school week. The weekend break is what I need. After months of doing nothing but just hanging out with friends this is a complete turnabout change. Waking up early in the morning, trying to stay awake during lectures or tutorials, running or jumping around during PE. HOGAD.

-

My leg is still sore from yesterday's PE lesson. I'm so unfit but I'm kind of please with myself for not stopping during my five round run because usually after my second round I just can't be bothered with running so I start walking BUT I didn't this time round! (: maybe it was bcos' of Mr. Azlan's face heh heh.

-

Currently I think I'm CCA-less and that kinda sucks. I joined up for Rugby but I'm hearing rumours about it closing down and that my friends is another thing that sucks ): i hope they won't close Rugby down. I WANNA PLAY RUGBY.

-

It was bad enough that Isa left for a Poly now Haikal is also leaving. WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING?!? Thank God for Jysicca. I just hope she doesn't leave me behind I think I'll just die. I hope a miracle happens and both Haikal and Isa decides to come back to MI. Oh wishful thinking.

-

I finally bought a new handphone (: that is indeed something to be happy about. This means that I have a new number :D SO if I have yet to send you my new number bcos' of some mysterious reason please leave me a tag or get it from me when I'm on MSN or send me a friendster message all right?

-

I'm really tired and hungry right now.
I think I'll just ransack the whole kitchen to see if there is anything to eat.
Until next time loves (:
Be well.

2006-03-22T16:50:00.000+08:00

I'm addicted to 'Head North Turn Left'.
:) beautiful beautiful song.

-

It's going to take me awhile to get used to the PE lessons over here. I'm so not used to doing such vigorous activities heh heh. (WEAKLINGGGGG!)

Mock NAPFA tomorrow and I'm not the slightest bit prepared. Lunch time programme thingamajing here I come! :)

Other than PE everything else is fine. (--> both school and life on the whole)

-

My ever so dearest Girlfriend,

I'm sorry I haven't been replying any of your emails nor have I dedicated any entry to you this past few days. I've been rather caught up with homework and school so please do forgive hunnbunns :)

I'm glad to hear that you're settling in just fine in New York New York. Please do take care and remember to eat all right? ALWAYS have your breakfast DON'T SKIP! It's just going to make you real weak which will affect you when you're in school.

Once again please do take care :) you know in times of need I'm just a phone call away (although it's going to be quite expensive - auto roaming) but don't worry. I miss you lambie pie ;)

I'll see you soon all right bubba.
- hugs.

With all my undying love,
Noraziemah Zainal

Ps. Send my love hugs and kisses to Derrik sweetie :)

-

I'll skedaddle along now.
A whole stack of assignments that needs to be done is calling me.
Until next time, Tally ho.

2006-03-20T18:09:00.000+08:00

I'm tired and drenched.
First day of Semester Two was okay.
Lectures and Tutorials began.

-

Someone make me happy please and buy me a pack of BEE BEE.

2006-03-19T12:52:00.000+08:00

I LOVE CALVIN AND HOBBES : D

-

The parents are coming back today! Whooot I hope they bring lots of presents home heh heh. Woke up pretty early this morning to clean the house. You know the usual vacuuming, folding of clothes, hanging of clothes, washing the dishes, keeping the dishes, tidying up the whole entire house, feed the fishes, feed the cats, feed the birds yada yada yada.

OH GOLLY MISS MOLLY, talking about this reminds me that I have yet to send my skirt for alteration. I'm so dead. I better be off now I'll be back later to update this :)

Tally ho.

2006-03-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

I guess it's high time I update this blog.

Haven't been doing anything much this past few days actually. It's just been me resting at home spending time with technology and also not forgetting the family.

-

It was jut another one of those days where the mother was PMS-sing and decided to take it out on me, as usual. I have to say, I'm actually quite pleased with how I took it. (The unnecessary lashing)

Usually, I would be shooting my mouth off, defending myself bcos' I had the 'I'm right!' attitute, but today, instead of doing so, I listened to her. No, I wasn't practising the 'It goes in the left and comes out the right' method. I thought about what she said carefully. Every single thing.

I have to admit, I haven't been the perfect daughter. Not one mother nor father would be proud of. I let them down one to many times. They had high hopes for me and I always manage to disappoint them.

Every time she wanted me to do something, I would grumble. (I'm not sure why either) Truthfully I'm fucking lazy (Which is a bad bad quality!) but I'm trying to change. It's going to take time (and I'm not using this as an excuse!).

There is going to be less grumbling and more working!

For once, I really would like them to be proud of me, to give them the chance to gloat about me to all their friends instead of always saying the same thing, "Oh, Azie did okay. Enough to get through."

This time I'm really serious. No more playing. It's time I pull up my sock (s) I really do want to have thie 'makeover'. Oh wish me luck, (=

2006-03-14T04:40:00.000+08:00

This skin is just too sweet to resist (:

-

It's only been the first day of the Holiday's and I'm dreading it already. It's quite a shock to me as well. I used to adore the Holiday's but not so much anymore. The Holiday's just brings back too much memory, most of them I would love to keep away. Stashed in some corner, never to be found again.

I really need to do something to keep my mind occupied. I've been trying to do something all day long but nothing seems to stop all this memories from coming back. I might as well talk about it since it's already in my head.

While reading Angela's Ashes this morning, I suddenly remembered about a conversation I had with Lisa. One of the last few conversation we had before she left. We were talking about how important family is and stuff like that. I don't know why but when I thought about it, I just broke down. I haven't cried so much in weeks.

It's amazing how you love, care and miss someone so much but only realise it once they are gone. It's always the same isn't it? Always the same. I'd do anything to see them for the last time, just to say goodbye. That's all I want. A closure, you know?

(INHALE)

All right, I should stop thinking about all this and think positive! (:
Like they always say, "Why be sad and down when you can be happy?"

I really should stop contradicting myself, HO GAHD.

On to a lighter note :-

Up till today, I still have yet to master the skills of making 'The Perfect Nestum'. It either gets too watery or just wrong. I swear, I'm going to be the lousiest housewife ever.

I'm going to say something really random right now,
I find JAKE GYLLENHAAL to be extremely effing HAWTT : D

I'm pretty hungry right now.

2006-03-13T04:50:00.000+08:00

Your Momma so fat that when the policeman saw her,
he said, "Break it up! Break it up!"

This joke never fails to make me laugh and I thank Samantha Kovu Jacob for telling it to me, (:

2006-03-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

A new beginning always needs a new blog, (:
Hear hear to new beginnings and happy endings!
Welcome.

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I have always had this theory planted in my mind that anything and everything can be solved by the right nail polish colour, the most stylish and exorbitantly priced shoes and so on and so forth. Yes, I do admit. I have this distinct liking for superficial inane things. They don't carry much value or any, to begin with.

(I can just hear them murmuring in discontent, "superficial", "materialistic" blahblah)

Mysteriously, this things seem to mend everything that needs to be mended. It's just temporary, but it will do. Just like euphoria, nothing lasts. Okay, I was digressing, back to the subject. This unexplainable need to spurlge is one of those coping mechanism all of us have, just like running from the truth. (NOW, aren't you guilty? HAH!)

Oh, human nature.

I have never really tried to face the truth, you know, reality. I never have to, or more like, I don't want to. Call me "coward", sadly, I'm one. I'm afraid of what's to come, the repercussions, the consequences, the result.

Thinking about it, maybe it's time for me to wake up. It's time to get rid of this comfort zone I'm in and do what is needed to be done. Time and time again I tell myself this, but I can just picture the common scenario. The moment I step away from this computer, this post will just be blur, a distant memory, another one of those promises made to be broken.

I guess eventually I'll summon enough courage within me to face reality and do what is right. (Maybe by then, it will be too late, but I pray not) For now, I'll stick to what I've been doing perfectly all along, spending.

This entry is so redundant. I don't even know why I began typing it out.

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